From: RDJT76A@prodigy.com (MR RICHARD J LIMACHER)
Date: Wed,  6 Aug 1997 02:58:46, -0500
Subject: Legend of Pecos Phooey at WS100, Part 3

                          THE PREFACE

Welp, frendz, Ah sees iz haw summayoo IZ payin atenshun.  Naw Ah godda stan
korrictid.  Ah maida statemint wuch Ah done shuntunna awtunna maked!  Gordy
wuddn't iggsackly da furst!!!

No, as it turns out, another one of our intrepid LISTmembers rather
impressively pointed out to me that ultrarunning was something that was
already being done in the last century.  And, although I've yet to receive
any NAME of any one nineteenth century dude that actually ran a hundred
miles, I am reasonably convinced that the deed had been done before.
Apparently there was a lot of amusement value to be gained from having
people run till they puked or dropped.  Gambling on these events was
rampant. And, again, although I don't yet have specifics as to who did what
distance and when, I am reasonably assured that--in ultradistance "events"
of, say, a thousand miles--SOMEBODY in there SOMEWHERE ran a hundred miles.
 And, yes, they did place wagers and stage multi-day events of a thousand
miles or longer.  So, I stand corrected.  Gordy could not possibly be the
first human being to run a hundred miles.  But, damn.  He came close.

But we DO know this for sure:  Gordy was FIRST to RUN Western States!

And I'd like to think he was still first anyway, and not just because I met
the dude, but because I think all that stuff they did a hundred years ago
was more in the line of circus and/or casino sideshows than anything to do
with athletic achievement.  Gordy set out to do it (I should imagine;
actually I was just kidding about the "bad acid") for the pure sport of it
all.  You know, leave the horse in the barn and go all the way to Grandma's
on your own.  If I wanted to do something comparable, I suppose, I could:
a) leave the car in the garage, b) run to downtown Chicago, c) run, yes,
"THE LaSalle Banks Chicago Marathon" (20th anniversary no less), d) cross
the finish line, and e) keep running all the way back home.  But, you know
what?  I'd still come up short!  That total distance is just over 90 miles.
 (I live exactly 32 miles south of State and Madison in the Loop.)

It'd be more impressive to run all the way to Wisconsin, spit in the eye of
"The Creature from the Kettle Moraine," run the Ice Age Trail 50-Miler, and
THEN run all the way back home.  Now, THAT would be a sideshow in itself!
Any bets?

But besides all that, how many "former ultrarunners" of the 19th century
have MONUMENTS with their names on 'em at the starting line?  [All right,
come on now.  All you historians out there, prove me wrong on this:]  I'll
bet there's not a single one!  And if there isn't, then guess what.  In two
or three thousand years--sometime long after the "Thunderdome" and, of
course, Mad Maxx--when what's left of civilization goes searching among the
rubble for evidence of ultra achievements of the past...guess whose name
they'll discover near the foot of the Sierra Nevadas?  So OK, Gordy may not
be "first" right now--but just you wait!  Times--and perceptions--change.
Just look at what history did to all those sailors who couldn't stand the
suspense anymore...and jumped overboard from Columbus's ships!

All it takes these days to convince ME that "the world ISN'T flat" is one
time over the Western States Trail!

I told you Gordy wasn't very impressed with the story of my own motorcycle
feat of 1974.  [Actually, I rode that Honda CB750 all the way to Alaska and
back.  Impressed?  No?  Well, have YOU ever ridden over the UN-paved Al-Can
Highway?  The Canadians ought to stage an ultra event on THAT.  THEN YOU'D
BE IMPRESSED!]  This is why he wasn't impressed.  Here's what he told me
when we were talking--while he was eating--at Placer High School:

"You know Devil's Thumb?"

"Yep," I said.  "Thoroughly."

"I rode my motorcycle all the way up to the top," he said.

And, when I heard that, I #*!#@!!!!!!  Right then.  Right there.  Right in
my pants.

If you've not done Western States, ooooh Lawd chile', you be spared.
"Devil's Thumb" is, like, this two million foot straight-up climb up out of
some dank canyon before you even get to Michigan Bluff.  And there's still
more canyons after that!  But, let me put Devil's Thumb into perspective
for you.  Where I live we have the tallest building in the world.  [All
right, I'm sure SOMEBODY will argue with that.  Let 'em.]  It's the Sears
Tower.  And, well, if my math is right, the Sears Tower is SMALLER than
Devil's Thumb.  And not as steep.  So, if I wanted to duplicate Gordy's
feat on a motorcycle, I would have to ride my Honda CB750 straight up the
side of the Sears Tower!  And STILL I'd come up short!!

That Devil's climb is sooooooooo steep, that:  a) ANYONE on a motorcycle or
a horse would surely tip over backwards, b) I saw several runners on their
very own feet tip over backwards!, c) I TIPPED OVER BACKWARDS(!), d) the
biggest round of applause I ever got in my life came from the volunteers at
the top of that climb, and e) on my way up, I renamed the thing:  "Devil's
Middle Finger"!

So, how in the heck did one man (a certain shining bright knight in size 14
shoes) EVER ride a motorcycle UP THAT CLIMB?  But, once ridden, you can
easily understand why--to him--a mere cross-continent tour by an almost
drug-free hippie would NOT be so impressive.

Something else Gordy told me:  He had used his motorcycle to disperse his
six or so gallons of Gatorade to the tops--and, I think, bottoms too--of
various other canyons the day before his historic first 100-mile run.  So,
now just try to imagine climbing all those canyons on a motorcycle WITH SIX
JUGS OF GATORADE ALL STRAPPED TO THE BACK!  One is tempted to think of
Hannibal, top-heavy with wine, Uzo, and olive oil, astride his elephants
crossing the Alps.  Or, Gatorade!  Heck, just think of all the marketing
hype that would have come down through the ages if Gatorade had supplied
THAT "ultra" event with electrolyte replacement drinks at every aid station
from Carthage to Rome.  Wow!

"Drink Gatorade--THE drink that fueled 'The Pack' AND their pachyderms!
And, as you well know from the Superbowl, The Pack DID come back!"

Anyway, I still think Gordy Ainsleigh should be sponsored by SOMEBODY.
Maybe Honda.  Or did he tell me he rode a Yamaha?  Kawasaki?  I forget.
Well, today I think he deserves to be sponsored by Lamborghini!

I asked him if he set out jugs of Gatorade all the way to Auburn.

"Naw," he said, "just to Michigan Bluff.  After that, I knew I'd hit
'civilization.'  And I could get more supplies."

And thus we have explained to us the recent economic boom felt by every
single business selling everything from Cool-Aid to ice cubes from Michigan
Bluff to Auburn, California, ever since "the dark years" prior to 1974.

Two other things I wanted to mention before I actually BEGIN the "Saga of
Pecos Phooey."  You, uh, realized of course that these first three episodes
were merely prefatory?  A combined introduction to THE REAL adventure yet
to be unfolded (like the wrapper surrounding a melted PowerBar)?  After
all, Gordy Ainsleigh is NOT "Pecos Phooey"--nor, for that matter, "The
Creature of the Kettle Moraine."

First, I got another hasty e-mail from someone ostensibly "foretelling" a
"lawsuit" from Ken "Cowman" Shirk, who might also have some claim to being
"first."  Well, heck, now that I've admitted even Gordy wasn't FIRST, what
would be the point?  (I don't have any money anyway.  I left it all with
Plump Jack.)  I would, however, like to know more about "The Cowman" (he
certainly has a great legend-sounding name); and so, if anyone out there in
cyberspace knows anything more about him than is printed in Norm's program,
I'd sure like to hear (read?) about it.  And NOT from his lawyer either!!

Second, I must also say that, in talking to Gordy after the race was over,
even Gordy himself doesn't think his achievement was all that epical or
noteworthy.  [Shucks, I'll bet Columbus felt the same way. I'll bet when he
had finally gotten to San Salvador, and was sitting at a picnic table
eating HIS baked chicken and beans and pasta and some nutty "troubadour"
came up and asked how it felt to be first, HE probably would've said, "Go
ask Lief Erikson.  Leave ME alone."]  When I asked it of Gordy, he said:

"Actually, you should be talking about Wendell.  What he did was much more
significant.  I just modified it a little."

Right.  Wendell T. Robie happened to be the guy that invented the original
horse race from Squaw Valley to Auburn.  That race, known as the "Tevis
Cup" (which is still going on, by the way, only in July not June), has been
held every year since 1955.  Wendell also happened to be the first guy to
RIDE the Western States Trail from Squaw Valley to Auburn.  So, all Gordy
did to "modify it a little" IS LEAVE HIS HORSE AT HOME and DO IT ALL ON
FOOT!  (So this is like, what, leaving your Formula I in the garage and
running the Indy 500 without a car?)

Why, heck, all Ray Kroc did was buy out the original McDonald brothers...
and go on to refashion how the rest of the world eats!  All Henry Ford did
was modify the method Lamborghini has always used and replace all the hands
with robots.  All AT&T did was modify what Mr. Bell did.  Texas radio "and
the big beat" is simply a modification of Marconi's "thing."  Even the
Sears Tower itself has come from a modification of the mail-order business
invented, I think, by a guy named Roebuck.  You see?  All through history
we owe almost everything we have to "second bananas."  Look at Ed McMahan.
Hell, you owe half the volume of your personal mail to HIM!

So, Gordy, don't worry, my man.  You are in great company.  And we do, in
fact, owe the footrace part of all this...TO YOU!!!

And, you know, I asked him out there on that trail if, in fact, he ever
went back to horse racing.

"Nope," he said, "I never did."

Small wonder.  Ray Kroc never went back to selling milkshake mixers either.
And AT&T and the rest of 'em never went backwards--or lowered their rates--
at all!  It's been one giant uphill climb for all of us ever since.

"Since what?"

Since the "Devil's Middle Finger!"  That's WHAT!!!


[Back shortly with Part 4]

Rich Limacher
RDJT76A@prodigy.com
THE ULTRA NUTTY TROUBADOUR